writersleaf

I am tired of feeling this way,
My heart is aching, 
And there is nothing I can do.

This feeling of betrayal is tearing me apart. 

From day one, 
All I have witnessed are fights.

The mere happiness in my life is also fading, 
And now I am lost for good. 

The person I imagined spending my life with makes me cry. 

This heartbreak is killing me from the inside.

I am tired of proving myself,
Tired of begging, 
And asking people to stay.

For once,
I want to feel alive.

For once,
I want to smile a genuine smile.

All I feel is my breathing being heavy,
My heart clutched,
And the death of my soul.

Life is unpredictable,
But then why is mine so easy to predict?

Despite my best efforts, 
Nothing seems to be going well.

I am dying daily,
And now tears are also left dry.

Nither I can cry, 
Nor can I smile.

Everything is fading,
And there is nothing left to hold.

My heart is aching,
And these thoughts are corrupting my mind.

I just want it to end,
Want to stop breathing,
And fade like I never existed. 

Many days have passed,
Many are yet to come.

But still, afraid of this world.

Want to disappear,
In the shadow of the night,
Don't want to be found,
By the two-faced people in my life.

The hypocrisy is their nature,
The bitterness is their talk.

I no longer want to mingle with the likes of you all.

Finally found my peace in this silence,
The silence of this beautiful night,
Where time stops,
And every memory is alive.

Be it a blessing or a nightmare,
But those moments were a chapter of mine.

The book is still incomplete,
Still looking for its ending,
But no longer have any protagonist.

My story is finally getting its pace,
The cruelty of your words helped me realise my worth.

You made me feel ashamed,
Your gestures were a game.

The broken me was looking for someone to blame,
But now I'm thankful for the lesson,
The lesson of heartbreak.

Finally I'm back on my track,
Ready to unfold the new chapters,
With laughter and cries, 
But in the end, they will be only mine.

I hate my bedtime,
The time when everything stops.

Making everything still.

But this mind wanders,
Creating scenarios that will never be real.

The darkness haunts me,
The loneliness abounds me,
The feeling of betrayal still surrounds me.

I don't know what to expect,
I never asked for much.

The care I wished,
The love I hoped,
The trust I needed was never there when I was at my worst.

It's hard for me to believe that I am cherished.

Several have betrayed me,
I have been hurt by many.

But still, I am naive to trust.

Not sure what to do,
Still searching for the trail to follow.

Wishing this darkness would clear,
And the light of hope shines.

My world is turning dark,
All I want is a little colour to make it bright.

I guess I am lost, 
Lost in the expectations. 

I want to leave, 
But it is a tough decision. 

It has become less about me, 
And more about what people expect me to be. 

I don’t want to give up, 
But what is my option? 

To find me, 
I have to give it all up. 

I ain’t there yet, 
But someday, I will. 

I want to enjoy that day, 
With everything I have. 

I want to witness the sun changing colours, 
And sky shedding tears. 

I want to dance in the moonlight, 
While being barefoot at the seaside. 

The star will sing their lullaby, 
And the moon will shine brightly, 
Making my heart race, 
Everyone will be happy. 

The colourless night will be my canvas, 
And then I will repaint my story. 

The story of the lost me, 
The story of finding myself again, 
The night will be young, 
And I will write again. 

Sometimes all I can think about is the past,
The days that broke my heart,
The sky that laughed on my misery,
And the friends that left me at my worst.

My ending is still not clear,
But want to start over,
Cause this loneliness is making me miserable,
And my heart is not strong enough to handle another blow.

With everything planned,
I don’t know where I stand,
With everyone happy,
I am the only one with a frown.

We all want to skip to the good part,
But what about the days that broke our hearts?

Being here is making me doubt my worth.

I tried crying,
But my tears are left dry.

Even my eyes are tired of shedding water,
And my brain is asleep because now it doesn’t matter.

Making a smile on your face is not hard,
It's easy to let people know that everything is fine,
Cause they don’t want to hear your story,
All they want is a happy face,
So let’s just fulfil their wish.

Smile and let them know that everything is fine.

The world doesn’t care,
So why make them listen?

I am done for good now, 
My boldness is fading,
Making me weak,
But I still want to begin from scratch,
And complete this sad ending with a new beginning.

When I thought everything was fine, 
The same thing happened again. 

It seems that sadness is still hovering over me, 
And this time it is heavy!

The past seems to be dead, 
Yet mine keeps repeating. 

As time passes, 
I weep every night.

They say I am an emotional burden.

But that's not the case. 

My point is no longer valid since my opinion has changed.

But is it even fair to blame me?

When you don't even know the whole story? 

I am tired of repeating myself, 
Tired of proving myself,
Will we be able to settle this out? 

Because now I don’t want to argue.

Don’t want to settle.

I lost my trust,
My hope is also gone. 

I thought we were good,
But I was so wrong. 

Even the mere appearance of another person can break our bond. 

Your words made me realize my worth.

Those comments you made broke my heart.

It's time to end this meaningless friendship,
Because you never trusted our bond.

I heard about the novel romance,
But then reality strikes my mind.

All these stories,
All this romance,
Were never a part of my life.

Been waiting for that movie love,
The love where we slow dance in our living room.

Where all the fights, 
And all the arguments,
End with cute little confessions.

Been waiting for my future, someone.

Who makes me laugh when I'm crying.

I want someone,
Who holds my hand, 
Who pulls me closer,
Who kisses me hard and makes me smile. 

Been waiting for that movie love,
Where giving up is not an option.

Love where disputes arise,
But making up to each other is not a burden.

Love where fights turn into a make-out session.

Been waiting for that young love,
Even when we grow old together.

I want someone with patience to be my man.

Who kisses me on the forehead,
And plans a date night.

I want a man who is patient and kind.

I need a man who loves me even at my worse.

Cause I know, 
I will love you with my all.

I will wait for you,
Even if it takes forever to be with you.

I am not going to lose my faith in love. 

Cause love,
With you, 
I would love to spend my forever.

It seems like the dark door of the past is going to reopen. 

People say history repeats itself.

Yet why do I seem to be the only one suffering like hell?

This feeling is breaking me again. 

Am I so worthless that my life is nothing but a mare joke to the people who claim me to be their world?

I am tired of feeling like this,
I'm tired of listening to my tears.

I am tired of being the only one to wipe them,
And then I'm expected to smile,
When I am not even alive inside.
 
This sorrow continues to reappear,
Making me struggle to fight my fears.

It feels like I am living in despair,
My heart aches with words from others.

It feels like this life is vain. 
But ending it is still not enough. 

I am tired of being surrounded by toxic people. 

I am tired of this feeling which makes me care.

Those arguments, 
Those words, 
Works like a sharp spear.

Toxic relationships,  
Hypocrite people are all a part of my life.

I am just breathing.

In this fake world,
Full of lies and veneers.

Why do I have to try and battle all this defeat?
Why do I have to be the one always to believe?

Am I so easy to break? 
That it is so hard for me to be spared?

I fake a smile, 
To live this life.

My screams are never heard,
It seems like people never cared. 

I try to move on,
But I am still stuck here.

All I think about is why?

Does it have to be just me to suffer?

I only feel like I am living,
When hot blood rushes from my hand.

These cuts remind me that it's all real.

These scars are the attestation of my fears.

I never thought of being like this,
Never thought I would do this.

I trusted so much,
That now, 
I am scared of it.

It seems that everything I do is wrong.

But now I am done with all the begging, 
Tired of people's nagging. 

This suffering has to end,
Otherwise, I'm simply a zlich.

However, for this journey to begin, 
I have to move on from myself. 

The path is full of hurdles, 
Where people are waiting to throw mud at me.

I have to be strong.
 
Or I will be skin alive.

Let's get ready for this quest,
Cause still, a little bit of hope for me is left.

Making my way through my life. 

Reading through the unfinished chapters, 
Chapters filled with memories. 

A few are happy, 
A few sad, 
Some are excited, 
And some are depressed. 

But each phase has its impact. 
 
There were times I used to cry to sleep, 
It was a time when there was nothing to smile about. 
 
Then you entered my life, 
Revealing a light so bright that, 
It made me shine. 
 
But those glorious days didn’t last long. 

I thought trusting you was the right decision, 
Till it all turned out to be an illusion. 

You broke my trust, 
You made me hate to love. 

I believed in your lies, 
Showing my vulnerable side. 

I made my heart believe, 
That everything is perfectly fine. 

Out of nowhere, 
You stepped into my life. 
 
I saw it, 
As it started to shine. 

I gave you a piece of me, 
Which you didn’t even ask for. 


You spilt your fucking charm, 
Taking me over. 

Perhaps it was just a game of the mind. 

Which perfectly eats you alive. 

It felt so pure. 

Like a veil of hope, 
A hauntingly beautiful bond, 
That only prevails in delusion. 

I thought it was what I wanted. 

As I recall, 
You told me that we were complete. 

It was fate that brought us together. 

What we had was something divine. 

I fell for you, 
But then you left. 

Your absence made my life turn upside down. 

I cried for months, 
I thought I was wrong. 

I had injuries to my heart, 
Which never healed. 

This feeling of betrayal, 
A person should never feel. 

I used to sit on my bed every night. 

Wondering about the past, 
Where we used to smile. 

I was tired of dreaming, 
Through with all the trying. 

Your memories brought back tears. 

But then all those tears took a pause. 

When I saw you with someone else, 
You were keeping your word, 
Being happy, 
And a smile like before. 

My will didn’t stop you from leaving, 
Neither did my efforts. 

The false hope of your return was now gone too, 
Your exit made me strong. 

The blindfold of your love was now down, 
You taught me the biggest lessons of my life. 

Your absence made me realize, 
The importance of my life. 

Sometimes it takes a painful situation to make us change our ways. 

All this time I was praying for a miracle, 
A miracle that might have led us together. 

I sensed the worthlessness of the person in my prayers. 

Escaping from your glorious lies, 
Got me a step closer to living my life. 

Instead of changing your behaviour, 
You kept on deceiving me. 

Not a prediction, 
You were a clear manipulation. 

But now the cloak of your phoney feelings is removed. 

It changed my life for good. 

This chapter will always be the turning point of my life. 

Where I stopped begging for love, 
And started believing in my worth. 

Something about you availed me. 

That without your love I am completely free. 

Free from lies, 
Free from pain, 
Free from trying, 
Free from tears filled eyes. 

Without you, 
I can perfectly see. 

All the disgusting things, 
You ought to be.