Author Archives: writersleaf

You!

Alone in my room,
With wandering thoughts.

My hands went to the door to unlock it.

Showing me the way,
My feet were moving as I watched.

I found myself on the terrace.

Where stars were my happy place. 

As I lay on my back, 
I felt relaxed.

And gazed at that lonely sky.

The silence of the night, 
Made me smile.

But a thought strikes my mind: 
Arousing a feeling, 
Which was buried, 
For a long time. 

You were again clouding my mind.

I closed my eyes.

To let this feeling go.

In hopes of it being a mare thought. 

I tried to overcome this emotion. 

But the picture of you lying beside me, 
Came to my sight. 

I shifted my gaze.
 
From the sky,
Towards you,
Locking our eyes,
I smiled. 

Your eyes were searching for answers.
 
For every question and every mistake. 

The calmness of your eyes, 
Made me whole. 

As your touch, 
Lit the spark. 

The spark I thought was dead.

Frown

The hardest challenge,
The easiest option.
Made me wonder,
About its reaction.

I tried to fix my gaze.

Wore my beautiful outfit that day.

I was about to break a heart,
The same thing happened in the past.

But this time,
I was not the one with a broken heart.
I convinced myself about the scene, 
The scene I was about to make.

I made my way towards your group, 
I thought I would teach you your own game.
Unlike the past, 
I will not cry this time.

For once I considered making a change. 

I said hi and you said hey,
We exchanged greetings,
With a smile on our faces. 

I was fighting inside, 
To let this scene slide. 

I thought I was making a mistake, 
But when you said you did something bad.

Your next words broke me again.

You said it was a mistake, 
I was the reason it happened in the first place. 

I turned that frown,
Upside down. 
Closed my eyes, 
And calmed my nerves. 

I released that deep breath.

I was holding for a while. 

As I looked into your eyes, 
That's when I finally smiled. 

I thought I was being a bad person, 
But I realized that things happen for a reason. 

Now I know I was not wrong, 
You were the reason for my pain. 

I came to end that friendship, 
The friendship which was only for me to keep.

My decision was right. 

You were not the friend that made me smile. 

I ended things and made a turn,
It was like I had been relieved of a burden.
 
I felt free after a long time,
I don't seem to be in your cage any longer.

Regardless of what strikes my mind.

You are only a recollection to me, 
Which I forgot to remember, 
I now carry the laughter and tears I experienced with me. 

As I finally know,
The upside-down secret to turning a frown around.

Where Am I?

Being alone in a room always left me wondering, how I ended up in the situation that I am in. Eventually, we all find ourselves in a situation where we question our path forward. Where are we? The desire to discover one’s life path is common among us all.

As I sit here writing this blog, I wonder what the point of my existence is. At first, it seemed absurd, but then I realized that where am I is not just a question, but also a reflection of my life choices not only who I am today, but also mentioning the reasons and options I may have had.

My own answer to this question is not very accurate, but I am constantly asking myself this. Knowing what I am facing scares me. It feels like getting to know me better will only cause some unsaid damages which I can’t afford. I want to be responsible without messing up. I want to live a normal life and stay out of trouble. But that seems impossible. 

It feels like I am secluded in the depths of the ocean all by myself. As the water level increases, it gets harder and harder to breathe. The weight of my body sank me down as I attempt to move up, leaving me gasping for air and drowning. Feeling completely overwhelmed by sorrow and suffering, without realising that happiness even exists.  

But aren’t we all doing the same thing? We are all searching for the same answer. Aren’t we? 

Let’s work together to answer this question. Where are we? Are we at the bottom of deep sadness, or are we at the highest point of a mountain with a desire to achieve everything we long for, or are we somewhere between the two, questioning our way forward? 

It will take me some time to answer this question because I have yet to figure it out on my own. For those who have already figured out the possible answer, do let me know.

Who Are You?

Who are you? We have asked ourselves this question at every stage of our lives. Every time we ponder this question, we try to come up with a new answer with the sole purpose of fitting into society’s standards. Our goal is to achieve the standards set by society, but we don’t realize that we are not pleasing anyone by doing so. The only thing we are doing is giving them a nudge by participating in their unfair practices. In an effort to be someone that we never intended to be, we pretend. As for the complexion standards, they separate people based on looks and basic work opportunities which differ for men and women. Now, how is this fair? How can a society like this be serious?. When you’re taught from childhood that the poor are ugly and the rich are beautiful. 

As a result, we often overlook the fact that everybody around the globe is exactly the same. They are all us, and we are all them. Tangled in problems, rotting in sorrow, struggling to breathe. Our only difference is that the excuse we make to keep them apart.

Who are you? Unfortunately, I cannot answer this question without making a joke out of myself. Well, it seems that I am not sure what the answer should be. To truly know yourself, you must fully comprehend your own nature. As for me, however, I do not know exactly who I am or what I want from life. It seems strange, doesn’t it? As a matter of fact, I’m pretty weird.

The moment you are born, people begin to define you. Your needs and wants are decided by them. So, then how can one respond to this question when everything has already been decided by them?  It wouldn’t make sense, would it? In other words, when they have already decided what kind of person you’ll be in the future or when they already have a mental picture of you meeting all their expectations. You can’t define yourself when the people around you already have preconceived ideas about you.

My Story!

We all have stories to tell, but we all are afraid of sharing them with society. Our hearts are filled with these stories. Our existence is the result of an important part of these stories. Don’t you think so? All of us are waiting for someone who will be patient enough to listen. Who will listen to our rumbling? But guess what? Waiting is all we do. We prefer being approached rather than building a platform. 

There are three sides to every person, one which is exposed to family, one which is to friends, and one which is to themselves. The third side is the real one. It’s easy to fake our happiness or sorrow in front of our family or friends, but when we’re all alone, that happiness, that sorrow builds around us and that’s what makes us who we are.

However, I’m not implying that I’m a great writer since I know I’m also a coward behind these words. Nonetheless, I only have this. Because of my lack of communication skills, I cannot make anyone listen to me, but I know how to write and so that is what I am doing. My problem is that I am lazy and afraid of what the results will be. However, I can’t give up because of the risk. Right? 

I am writing to stand out in the crowd to get people to pay attention to me. I am ready to listen to what they have to say because I know I am ready to speak with my writings. When we are all alone with no one to talk to or when we are trying to deal with the slump on our own, it can be very difficult at times and I understand it. People who only ask to listen and who have no interest in our stories can be hard to deal with. It was very hard for me to write this because I have experienced it, so I want others to be able to listen to me as I know I am ready to be heard.

Sometimes it’s simply a matter of listening and letting the other person express themselves. Our minds create scenarios that seem more complicated than they actually are, which leads us to choose the version of the problem our minds created that allows us to think in-depth. Overthinking often makes me feel trapped inside my mind like it is nothing more than a prison.

It exhausts me to think about all of this, but I can’t take action because it is so deeply ingrained in my personality. Somehow or another, this overthinking defines me. My world seems to be engulfed in darkness. However, can stars shine in the absence of darkness? Even the black and dark night sky does not hinder these stars from illuminating their fullest potential. Each of them strives to make the other feel special and avoid feeling lonely. So why can’t we display the same ability and shine while also helping others?

This dark, lonely place is like a place of hope for these stars because they wouldn’t exist otherwise. Someone once told me to live for small things in life. Live for sunsets and sunrises, where you can see the colours in the sky which don’t belong. Live for the road trips with music bursting loud in your ears and a cold breeze brushing through your hair. Live for those night walks on a silent road covered with trees by yourself. Live for those 3 AM talks with your favourite person, who knows how to read you like an open book. Live for gazing at the stars and moon at night, with the moon as your companion, and relearning your spark that you seem to have lost.

I have a long way to go and I know in the end I will be able to fully understand myself.

Fear

Fear
They mistreated her,
Because of her body.
They called her fat, 
And ignored her heart.
They said, she was ugly,
Because she was not white.
Killing her old self was the only thing left,
But they wanted to take that away from her.
She was dying daily,
But no one saw that.
She kept on shouting her pain,
But no one heard her.
They killed her soul,
With their own words.
Now the only thing left,
Was the body with blood.
She was defeated,
She was cheated,
She was bullied,
By her own people.
And now when she is gone,
They miss her.
They say they have lost a precious one.
But the thing is,
She killed her old self,
Because of their words.
She used to be alone and scared,
In a world,
 Where her people abandoned her.
But at last she fought for her self,
She ended the misery,
By burying her old self.
                                                    
                                                   ~Aditi

Sometimes

Sometimes words are stuck in my mouth,
Want to shout but hardly speak loud.
The messy head is filled with thoughts,
The will to smile is lost.
All I want is to lie on my silly old bed,
Where happiness is buried deep inside my head.

The feeling is stuck where something feels off,
I think I don't belong to your world.
My efforts are wasted and nothing last long,
The smile I wanted just vanished and left me all alone.

I pretend with my all might,
That this happiness is real.
But I am surrounded by the world,
Where my smile can not be real.

I am not sure for what I am looking,
Not sure if I plan to spend another day here.
As of now I am tired,
Of this dreadful life I have been living.

But I can't loose the courage,
To light the fire inside my heart.
The lost hope shall not deprived,
As the love for life will arise.

This path of darkness,
Is starting of a tale.
The aisle is a mayhem,
But desire to live shall be more.

Now gazing stars and smiling,
Are part of my life.
With me dancing at every sunset,
And trying to live this lonely life.
  
                                                                         
                                                                                              ~Aditi

Tale Of A Girl

Let me tell you a tale,
Of a girl who didn't stop.
She climbed every mountain, 
Faced hurdles,
To reach the top.
Her youth was a dream and mission,
Accomplished by her vision,
And passion to achieve things.
The burning desire of recognition,
Drove her to take actions,
She had danced and faced every criticism.
But a fear had settled in her bones,
A fear of left alone.
That if she is not moving forward,
Then is captured in her own loneliness.
In time her vision got fuzzy,
So she looked back,
To all the things she had seen.
But found gaps, 
Inside the places, 
She had never fully been.
For she was tired of this loneliness,
And decided to break free from this realm.
This realm of negativity,
With judgy eyes of society.
So she took her last flight,
Expanded her wings,
To simply be a human being.
  

                                                   ~Aditi

Rain

I wish it rains today,
So the sky can cry.
It must have been hard up there,
Holding all alone.
As the rain droplets touch the earth,
The barn land comes alive.
It seems,
Ones sorrow became other's happiness.
For the tears from above,
Bloomed the flowers below.
A loud sigh,
Called thunder, 
Was heard from above,
Scaring the living below.
They mistook the scream of pain,
As warning.
And closed their windows,
Turned their backs,
And left you all alone.
The sky never complained,
For he was scared to be abandoned.
He took a deep breath,
As he tried to calm himself down.
He knew his old self was loved,
By the living.
The bright blue colour never left,
The chirping of birds, 
The laughter of kids,
And the roaring of animals were back again.
To shine brightly,
He suffered a set back.
Still he cries,
When the bearing is hard,
The loud sigh is still heard.
It's hard to smile,
When the pain is traumatic.
A few drops of tears soothes him,
He smiles again,
When he see the delightful view from above.
 
                                                           ~Aditi

 The mask we put on everyday to form a person we never meant to be. The complexion that tells us we are beautiful and strong, but for world it’s not enough. But then again, this world is not a serious place, as it might seems it starts everyday for a lot of people and end for a lot in the same way.

In the end you will realize that you and the rest of the world were exactly same. Tangled in problems, rotting in sorrows, struggling for breathing; they were all you and you were them. The only differences were the excuses to keep people apart.  Just like the sky who is all alone but still he stands still with a smile on his face.

 Everything that I have ever dreamed of disappears as soon as the night is over. The moon is taking its pace so quickly, as sun sets with a bright sunrise and the starry night changes into a shinning day. But my head is still filled with the thoughts, the dreams that will be changed into my present. The thinking is clouding my head with a slight headache but the thought of my future brings a soothing smile on my face.

So what should I do? I want to write my story with my own hands, with some adventure and passiveness in life, with fulfilling laughter and hard cries, with three a.m. talks and midnight walks, with starry nights and bright days, with loud music and silent cries. I want to enjoy this life. Every bit of it cause if not, then it will be vain to be born.